We never know what will happen in our lives. Still, we try to plan everything. Whether it's education, career, getting married, having children, their education, their marriages, your retirement, after-retirement plans and whatnot.
Because what happens in the next moment we can’t predict, but all we can hope for is a good life and mental peace. We plan all these because we dream, we hope tomorrow will be a good one and we will live a life that we are hoping for. We know one day everything will end within a fraction of a second. But with the thought of dying one day, we can not forget to live our lives. We can not and should not live our lives in fear.
All we can do is hope for a better life and happy surroundings. So now let's go back to our question which is; what we plan vs what we get?
Can you really plan your entire life?
The answer is both “yes” and “no”. I know many of you will not agree with my answer and think I’m being diplomatic here. Well, let me explain my side.
The reason behind my answer is - you can plan your life to a certain extent, such as, the career you want to choose, the job you want to do, where you want to go, financial planning, your goals for 5 years or 10 years or 20 years, when you want to get married, whether to get married or not, having children or not and so many things.
But you can’t be certain about whether you’ll stuck in traffic, what will happen after you wake up, what types of people you’ll meet, sudden demises, sudden rain (when you are not prepared for it), getting fired from the job you loved the most, breakup or other partner cheating on you, office politics and the list is endless.
So what I am trying to say is, we can’t plan our life in a 360-degree. No matter how perfectly you plan your life, some things will not be in your control and you have to accept this.
I’m getting where we are heading. You’ll be like, when we don’t know what will happen in our lives in the next moment, how could you expect us to be prepared?
You plan your life as much as you can, but don’t be like a rock; be flexible. If something is not working or happening according to your planning, keep your faith and have trust in God.
If you are an Atheist, keep faith in yourself and your hard work. There would be some reason the thing happened the way you least expected it to happen. Try to figure out “why” behind it and accordingly improve yourself.
What to do when we get we never hoped for?
Just imagine a situation - you are travelling in a train and you are sad but suddenly someone comes and starts talking to you and you also start nodding your head. On a daily basis, you see this person and with time, you guys have become good friends.
Tell me honestly how you will feel about it? In the first place, when he or she initiated conversation, you would have felt awkward, but with days passing, you became comfortable as you guys were discussing your happiness, sorrows and lifting each other's mood.
Have you ever thought of something like this happening to you? I don’t think so. It was unplanned, but for the better, as you got the friend that you never hoped for.
This is just one example, but there must be a number of examples like this. So whenever you face an unplanned situation in your life, welcome those events with open arms.
What to do when everything goes wrong in your life?
Make yourself relax
In this hectic schedule, somehow, we forget to relax. With me, there was a time when I actually forgot there is a word called “Relax” that exists and my body and soul need this.
Doesn’t matter how difficult the situation is or how exhausting your life is, decide the days when you will just relax and give yourself time. Do whatever you want that lifts your mood and brings positivity into your life.
It could be lying on a bed, reading a book, watching your favourite drama, listening to music, cooking, cleaning, going for a walk, doing yoga or simply don’t do anything (even that’s fine).
As I said earlier, do whatever makes you relax. You can even call your best friend, who is good at cracking jokes and understands you better than anyone else.
One of my favourite things to do is go for a long walk and let my thoughts fly away.
Be gentle with yourself
Try to imagine the days when you didn’t get what you want. How did you react? Did you hard on yourself? You were cursing yourself? Or You gave some kind of punishment to yourself?
If any of this is true, remember to be gentle with yourself. This is not the end of the world. Just think from a different perspective, maybe something better is on its way to you. Being harsh on yourself is not a solution.
Tell yourself, you tried your best and it is completely okay to not get the things that we always want. Because deep down you need it, your soul is craving for it.
There are many ways of being gentle with yourself. Treat yourself, go to a nice cafe, drink tea or coffee, have some snacks, dress well or buy a nice dress for yourself or anything you like to do. Maybe making coffee on your own can make you happy. It is that simple.
Be grateful for everything
You might have heard this multiple times, but how often do you do this?
See, you don’t have to do this only when things are not going right. Gratitude is something that you should practice in your day-to-day life.
Just be grateful for being alive, waking up early, being exhausted, nice partner, hands, legs, eyes, nature, you name it.
Like, there are many things in the world we should be grateful for. Take a moment and think about it, you will find multiple things to be grateful for and I’m damn sure you’ll feel better.
Accept what you can’t change
The most vital thing. I got you. It’s really difficult, but at the same time, you can’t change it. So it is better to accept the fact and move on.
For example - after so much preparation, a proper round of interviews, the next day, HR calls you and tells you, "Sorry, we are not proceeding with your application". Obviously, you’ll feel terrible. Plus, it was your dream company.
So once the HR confirmed, you can’t do anything about it. Instead of reacting emotionally or aggressively, politely ask them what went wrong and what you can improve.
This way, not only you get to know about your flaws but you will also make a good connection, which may help you in future and you never know, you’ll get a better offer than this.
If needed ask for a help
There is nothing wrong with seeking help. There comes a time in life when we feel devastated and don’t know what to do. Rather than keeping everything to yourself, talk to your trustworthy friend or your parents or seek counselling help. Do whatever feels right to you.
You know what’s hurting you so you should know how you can overcome it.
Keeping things to yourself will only worsen the situation. However, I know there are people who are strong enough to overcome the situation on their own without taking anyone’s help. If you are one of them, you don’t need anyone’s help. In case you are not, you know what you have to do.
Set new goals
What happened has already happened and you can’t do anything about it. So why not start fresh?
Take a deep breath and let your ideas flow. Trust me, you must be having a plethora of ideas. Write down whatever ideas come to your mind, even if you think you are being silly. That’s fine.
After writing down all your ideas, see which idea is attracting you the most and what action you have to take to convert it into a reality. Boom, you got a new goal.
[PS: My small advice, while setting up a new goal, split it into small milestones, so achieving them will seem easy. Suppose you have set up five milestones to achieve that goal, so whenever you achieve a milestone, don’t forget to celebrate. This will give you encouragement and very soon you will be able to achieve all your milestones.]
Wrap up time
Now, next time, if you don’t get what you want. Don’t be sad. You are not alone in this. There are many people who face the same situation. But always remind yourself that something better is on its way and all you have to do is accept that wholeheartedly.
